How to Heal Oneself from Low Self-Esteem: A Journey to Self-Worth
- Apexa Kerai
- 52 minutes ago
- 6 min read
Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your handbrake on. – Maxwell Maltz
We all have moments of self-doubt. But when those moments become a persistent voice in our heads, they can deeply affect how we view ourselves and the world. Healing from low self-esteem is a journey, but it is one that can transform not only how you see yourself but also how you engage with life.
In this article, we'll explore what self-esteem truly means, how low self-esteem manifests in daily life, and scientifically proven exercises to help heal and strengthen your sense of self-worth.
What is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is the internal gauge we use to measure our value. It’s how we perceive our worth and abilities in the grand scheme of life. People with healthy self-esteem generally have a positive view of themselves—they feel confident in their ability to handle life’s challenges and believe they are deserving of love, respect, and success.
Low self-esteem, on the other hand, often means viewing oneself in a negative light, feeling undeserving, and doubting one’s abilities and potential. It can come from various life experiences—childhood criticism, trauma, unhealthy relationships, or societal pressures.
How to identify if your self-esteem is low:
Negative Self-Talk : Constantly telling yourself, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed.”
Fear of Failure : Feeling too scared to try new things because you’re certain you’ll fail.
Over-Apologizing : Apologizing even when you’ve done nothing wrong or diminishing your achievements to make others feel comfortable.
Struggling with Boundaries : Saying yes when you mean no, or allowing people to treat you poorly because you feel you don’t deserve better.
Seeking Constant Validation : Needing approval from others to feel good about yourself, rather than feeling confident in your own worth.
The Damage Low Self-Esteem Does to You
Low self-esteem can affect every aspect of your life, from personal relationships to career success, and most importantly, your mental health. People with low self-esteem are more prone to anxiety, depression, and feelings of worthlessness. They tend to withdraw from social situations, avoid challenges, and accept mistreatment because they believe they deserve it. Over time, this can create a self-fulfilling cycle, where your negative beliefs about yourself lead to behavior that reinforces those beliefs.
You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. – Buddha
How Low Self-Esteem Appears in Daily Life
Low self-esteem can be sneaky. It may not always be apparent, but its effects can ripple through your daily life in various ways:
Overthinking and Self-Blame : You might replay social interactions in your head, wondering if you said something wrong or if people secretly dislike you.
Procrastination : You may avoid taking action on important tasks because you don’t believe in your own capabilities.
Comparing Yourself to Others : Scrolling through social media and feeling inadequate because your life doesn’t look like someone else’s highlight reel.
Fear of Criticism : The thought of being criticized, even constructively, makes you avoid situations where your skills or worth might be judged.
Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward healing. Now, let’s explore how to rebuild your self-esteem and foster self-compassion.
Healing from Low Self-Esteem: Scientifically Proven Exercises
Healing from low self-esteem takes time and dedication, but there are evidence-based practices that can significantly improve how you see yourself. Below are a few exercises grounded in psychology and research:
Self-Compassion Break
Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, suggests that learning to be kind to yourself is critical for improving self-esteem. People with low self-esteem are often their own harshest critics. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness you would show to a friend in distress.
When you’re feeling down about yourself, pause and acknowledge your feelings. Say to yourself, “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment.”
Follow it up with an act of kindness—whether it’s allowing yourself some rest, speaking kindly to yourself, or doing something that brings you joy.
The ABC Technique from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT is one of the most effective therapeutic approaches for addressing low self-esteem. The ABC model helps you become aware of negative thought patterns and change them. It stands for:
A (Activating Event): The situation that triggers the belief or thought.
B (Belief): The interpretation or belief about the event.
C (Consequence): The emotional or behavioral consequence of the belief.
A (Activating Event): Identify a situation where you felt bad about yourself (e.g., you received a low grade on an assignment.).
B (Belief): Write down the belief or thought that followed (e.g., “I am not smart, and I will never succeed if I can't get perfect grades.”).
C (Consequence): Notice how this thought affected your feelings or actions (e.g., you feel worthless, experiences anxiety, and avoids future challenges.)
Challenging the Belief: Replace the negative thought with a more balanced perspective
Evidence: "I’ve succeeded in many other areas and learned new things over time. A single low grade doesn't define my intelligence."
Alternative Belief: "This is just one setback. I can improve by understanding where I went wrong, and I’m still capable of success."
By re-framing your beliefs, you start to break free from the cycle of low self-esteem.
You can try out the ABC technique for improving low self-esteem. Download the worksheet below and start your journey towards greater self-confidence!
The Gratitude Practice
A study published in Personality and Individual Differences (2014) found that gratitude has a positive effect on self-esteem by reducing social comparisons. Rather than becoming resentful toward people who have more money or better jobs (which lowers self-esteem), grateful people are able to appreciate other people's accomplishments without feeling envious.
Participants who practiced gratitude reported higher self-esteem levels compared to those who did not, suggesting that gratitude shifts focus away from negative self-evaluations.
Every evening, write down three things you’re grateful for that day. It could be as simple as a kind word from a friend, the ability to work on something meaningful, or even small accomplishments.
Gratitude helps individuals recognize their worth by focusing on positive aspects of their lives and achievements, creating a healthier self-image.
Visualization and Affirmations
Studies show that visualizing positive outcomes and repeating affirmations can change how we see ourselves. These exercises work by rewiring the brain to focus on strengths rather than perceived weaknesses.
Take a few minutes each day to visualize a version of yourself who is confident, compassionate, and capable. Picture yourself achieving your goals and handling challenges with ease.
Repeat affirmations like, “I am worthy of love and respect,” “I am capable of growth and change,” or “I trust in my abilities.”
Here are 10 affirmations you can use every day to give your self-worth a little boost:
I am worthy of love and respect.
I believe in my abilities and trust myself.
I am enough just as I am.
I deserve happiness and success.
My past does not define my future.
I embrace my uniqueness and celebrate my individuality.
I am deserving of all good things in life.
I choose to focus on my strengths and achievements.
I am constantly growing and evolving.
I have the power to create the life I desire.
Incorporate these affirmations into your daily routine to help cultivate a positive self-image and enhance your self-worth.
The Journey to Self-Worth
Healing from low self-esteem is a process. It won’t happen overnight, but with self-compassion, practice, and the willingness to challenge negative beliefs, you can shift your mindset. Remember, self-esteem is not about being perfect; it’s about embracing your imperfections and learning to value yourself despite them.
You are the one who possesses the keys to your being. You carry the passport to your own happiness.– Diane von Furstenberg
If you find yourself battling low self-esteem, remember that you have the ability to heal, develop, and succeed. Begin with small actions and treat yourself kindly throughout the process.
Reflection Questions:
Have you observed any recurring negative self-talk in your everyday life? How can you address those thoughts using the ABC technique?
What is one act of kindness you can offer yourself today to boost your self-esteem?
By incorporating these scientifically-backed exercises and reflections into your daily life, you can begin the journey to healing your self-esteem and nurturing a sense of worth that comes from within.
